Well the day came and went… it was wonderful, but it instantly felt different. Not bad different, just different. It was almost an awkward feeling. I’ve never had a husband before and I’ve never been a wife before. How should I act? What were we supposed to do now?
I have imagined this life for 23 years, but now that it’s here, how am I supposed to live it? I’m responsible for someone else now. I have to cook dinner for two, I have to share a closet, and a room, and the remote control.
But I love it 🙂
As the wedding got closer, Luke and I decided that we wanted suggestions on how to be a better husband and wife. So I’d mention something about the dishes and he’d suggest the toothpaste left in the sink. The suggestions gave me a slight insight to the changes that were about to occur in my life, and although I knew changes would happen, I didn’t realize how drastically God would change my life and my heart in two short weeks.
From the moment we got in the limo after the reception, everything felt different. Watching movies together was different, going out to eat was different, and visiting with friends was different. But the biggest change I noticed was when I changed my name.
To give a little insight on how I felt about changing my name- I thought it was going to be the hardest part of the process. Harder than my dad walking me down the aisle, harder than waving goodbye to my family at the reception and harder than my wifely responsibilities. I’ve always loved my last name and took pride in the Breitling side of my family. I love each of my family members and I love the history of my ancestors. So to change such a drastic part of my identity was surely going to be hard, right? I’m actually proud of how I handled the situation. I had to put on my big girl pants and change my name. That was the next step. If marriage is about compromises and sacrifices, might as well jump in and get the ball rolling.
But you see, that’s not the old Kristen’s attitude. The old Kristen would want to hyphenate her last name, or convince Luke to change his last name (okay, so I actually did try convincing him to do this just to see if I could win him over. I lost that battle.) But it would make me cry each time I thought about going through life with a new last name.
The only justification I have in the mystery in the change of my attitude and heart is that my identity isn’t wrapped up in a name, but who I am in Jesus. My identity is living the beautiful life He’s so thoughtfully planned out just for me 🙂
It makes my heart smile just thinking about it.
It doesn’t matter what name I carry through life, what matters is that I live my life for God’s glory and I obey His plans for my life. It feels as though my life has so much more potential now. I have such a bright future, a bigger heart, more love to give, so much more of a purpose now. I want to constantly be in conversation with Luke to feel the love that God created for a husband and wife, or I want to cook dinner or prepare his lunch to actively live in my new role as the caretaker.
Nothing but the love and grace of Jesus would allow my heart to have such a beautiful feeling towards another person. I’m so thankful for the blessing of marriage and am anxious to fulfill all the roles that come along with it. I didn’t expect my heart to change so quickly, but what can I say? God’s timing is perfect for my life and I am overwhelmed with the perfection of His plan so far. I can’t wait to see what He has planned for us 🙂
Here’s the verse that the Lord has placed in my heart. It seemed scary at first because I wasn’t trusting and walking by faith. But now it foreshadows the great plans He has for our lives.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22